My first time out

I wrote the post below this first... just a disclaimer in case things seem out of order.

A few months ago, I was dressed during the day... at home... as usual. On a whim, I decided to go out dressed. I chose a very understated outfit. Black slacks, pink cami under a fitted white collared shirt, and low heeled black boots. I loaded my only purse (one my fiancee had thrown away a long time ago) with lipstick, powder, my cel phone, credit card, and driver's license. I also had my emergency change bag ready to go. It took about 15-20 minutes to get up the nerve to walk out the door, but when I finally did it was like a surge of energy.

I walked to my car, feeling controlled but probably looking hurried. As I got in, I was greeted by feelings of relief and excitement at the same time. Relief that I'd made it as far as my car, and excitement because I knew that I now had the whole world available to me. The last time I felt this excited to drive was probably when I first got my driver's license and stopped buying bus passes. I had decided to go to San Leandro's Bayfair mall area, which is about 15 minutes from where I live. Enough time to get used to being in the car driving as Erin, but close enough to home that should anything happen I can just shoot home.

The first place I went to was the bank. I went to my bank's ATM, but there was a long line, and a less than friendly looking security guard. So off to another bank I went. The nerves of parking and actually getting out of the car were so strong that I had to pause for a second to calm down. I'm sure my face was turning red and that's exactly what makeup is supposed to cover. After getting to the ATM and back with my cash, I started to think I was getting the hang of it. As I pulled out, a guy pulled up next to me and asked me to roll my window down. He asked if I wanted to sell my car. I just shook my head and quietly said no thanks (I had not yet begun practicing any kind of femme voice). He must have not known I was a guy, because after he heard my voice he had a very puzzled look on his face, and drove away. I realized that a decent femme voice is a must if I'm going to talk to people.

I shook that off and went to Payless shoes down the street. As I walked in the SA greeted me, and I headed straight to the large women and crossdresser's section. As I tried on a pair of patent heels, another employee walked by and offered to help me if I needed to find anything else. It felt so good to be in there trying on shoes, I knew I wouldn't regret being out. I bought two pairs of shoes and headed to Ross. At Ross I got a nod from the security guard as I walked in. No smile, but also no judgment. I for the first time ever, was able to try on whatever I wanted to, so I tried on three dresses. None of them fit, and I was getting hot from rushing trying to change, so I just left the dresses and headed for home.

As I drove home I felt like another giant hurdle had been overcome, and that I'd accomplished something that I'd been wanting to do for a long time. I also knew I would probably want to accomplish it over and over again.

Such a great first experience, I really wanted to go home and share it with my best friend, who happens to be my fiancee. Maybe someday we'll be at a point where she can appreciate some of the things that I enjoy so much (cars, video games, and of course, crossdressing). My next experience going out was even better, and I may write about it in another post